2008 Woodie Awards
Phobophobia: Terror in the heartland
Exploring America's deepest, darkest fears
David Ashby
Issue date: 10/9/05 Section: Opinions
Davy Crockett was a real man. In
his relatively short life in the early 19th
century, he accomplished a lot of things
that are still remembered today. One of
his most famous feats was when he killed
a grizzly bear with his bare hands (well,
maybe he had a knife).
Back during the early days of our
republic, when the western part of
North America was largely a mystery to
civilization, men were real men, American
settlers were brave, selfl ess, fearless, and
fi lled with honor and humility.
Those days are long gone.
If Crockett were raised in today's
society, the story of the slaying of the bear
would have been much different. Instead of
taking the bear on, he would have ran away
in sheer terror, screaming like a girl.
His traumatic experience would land
him in therapy, where the psychiatrists
would dope him up on anti-depressants.
He'd probably wet his bed whenever he'd
have nightmares of the bear.
Then, after his anxiety costs him his wife
and job, Crockett uses his last option: a 15-
minute stint on the Maury Povich show,
where he seeks compassion for his fear
of bears. However, everybody just laughs
when Brian Urlacher comes out holding
a teddy bear and Crockett runs backstage
screaming bloody murder.
Let's face facts. Behind all the patriotic
rhetoric and all the "land of the brave"
references, the United States has become
nothing more then a nation of cowards.
Here in America, we are afraid of just
about everything: terrorists, drugs, poverty,
cancer, heart disease, cigarettes, car
crashes, airplane crashes, thunderstorms,
black people, fi res, deaths, just to name a
few.
Now I'm not saying being frightened
sometimes is a bad thing. But if you're
going to be scared, be scared about things
that actually have a remote chance of
happening. Just because there's a airplane
crash in Portugal, it doesn't mean you
his relatively short life in the early 19th
century, he accomplished a lot of things
that are still remembered today. One of
his most famous feats was when he killed
a grizzly bear with his bare hands (well,
maybe he had a knife).
Back during the early days of our
republic, when the western part of
North America was largely a mystery to
civilization, men were real men, American
settlers were brave, selfl ess, fearless, and
fi lled with honor and humility.
Those days are long gone.
If Crockett were raised in today's
society, the story of the slaying of the bear
would have been much different. Instead of
taking the bear on, he would have ran away
in sheer terror, screaming like a girl.
His traumatic experience would land
him in therapy, where the psychiatrists
would dope him up on anti-depressants.
He'd probably wet his bed whenever he'd
have nightmares of the bear.
Then, after his anxiety costs him his wife
and job, Crockett uses his last option: a 15-
minute stint on the Maury Povich show,
where he seeks compassion for his fear
of bears. However, everybody just laughs
when Brian Urlacher comes out holding
a teddy bear and Crockett runs backstage
screaming bloody murder.
Let's face facts. Behind all the patriotic
rhetoric and all the "land of the brave"
references, the United States has become
nothing more then a nation of cowards.
Here in America, we are afraid of just
about everything: terrorists, drugs, poverty,
cancer, heart disease, cigarettes, car
crashes, airplane crashes, thunderstorms,
black people, fi res, deaths, just to name a
few.
Now I'm not saying being frightened
sometimes is a bad thing. But if you're
going to be scared, be scared about things
that actually have a remote chance of
happening. Just because there's a airplane
crash in Portugal, it doesn't mean you
