2008 Woodie Awards
Thanks Jerk
A brief example of how spoiled rich kids should never have authority over other people's money
Bonnie Curtis
Issue date: 3/25/05 Section: Opinions
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Our fearless leader, George W. Bush, is trying to implement the privatization of Social Security. Basically, this means that instead of the government taking all of your taxes out and then receiving social security checks when you're 60, the money would be put into a private account and would go up or down depending on the stock market. Other countries have tried the privatization of the social security, resulting in a disaster.
One of the main countries to attempt the social security privatization is Great Britain. Norma Cohen of the AARP in GB says that Britain "Learned the hard way that the costs of administering private accounts can affect returns and reduce the size of the retirement pot by up to 30 percent." Conservative leaders are looking to Great Britain for ideas on social security privatization while Great Britain admires our social security as a much simpler and effective policy. Because of the somewhat random, irrational decisions Bush has made and the plans he has implemented, I was intrigued to find out how he decided on things and discovered that, yes his decision-making process does involve mass amounts of grain alcohol, paint thinner, and Ted Nugent albums.
This plan falls right into that category. One of the effects of this genius plan in that even though the conservatives scoff at the idea of increasing or decreasing the retirement age, if privatization goes into effect, senior citizens will inevitably have to work years longer than expected in order to reap the same benefits that they would have earned with the old system. So if social security privatization goes into practice, the country is going to be drowning in mental-health professionals, teachers, accountants, administrators and countless others professionals that were the butt of a cruel joke and ended up having to work 10 years longer than expected. That's just what we need, a 65-year-old guidance counselor that has been on the job five years longer than expected, that sees each snot-nosed, sniveling brat that he is forced to talk to as just another ring of Hell and giving them advice on how to run their lives. Middle schools are going to erupt into flames on a daily basis.
One of the main countries to attempt the social security privatization is Great Britain. Norma Cohen of the AARP in GB says that Britain "Learned the hard way that the costs of administering private accounts can affect returns and reduce the size of the retirement pot by up to 30 percent." Conservative leaders are looking to Great Britain for ideas on social security privatization while Great Britain admires our social security as a much simpler and effective policy. Because of the somewhat random, irrational decisions Bush has made and the plans he has implemented, I was intrigued to find out how he decided on things and discovered that, yes his decision-making process does involve mass amounts of grain alcohol, paint thinner, and Ted Nugent albums.
This plan falls right into that category. One of the effects of this genius plan in that even though the conservatives scoff at the idea of increasing or decreasing the retirement age, if privatization goes into effect, senior citizens will inevitably have to work years longer than expected in order to reap the same benefits that they would have earned with the old system. So if social security privatization goes into practice, the country is going to be drowning in mental-health professionals, teachers, accountants, administrators and countless others professionals that were the butt of a cruel joke and ended up having to work 10 years longer than expected. That's just what we need, a 65-year-old guidance counselor that has been on the job five years longer than expected, that sees each snot-nosed, sniveling brat that he is forced to talk to as just another ring of Hell and giving them advice on how to run their lives. Middle schools are going to erupt into flames on a daily basis.
